Practically Fertile
If you wanted to get pregnant yesterday, but you're confused and overwhelmed by all the noise on the internet, then this is the right podcast for you. Hosted by Dr. Adrienne Wei, Doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, Fellow of the American Board of Oriental Reproductive Medicine (ABORM), functional medicine practitioner, and functional nutritionist. Here, you'll find zero fluffy, useless information or rah-rah motivation. You'll only find practical strategies and "how-tos" for identifying the root cause and amplifying your fertility by using a proven method of combining science with tradition.
Practically Fertile
Episode 14 - How She Did it - Overcoming PCOS, Endometriosis, and Male-Factor Infertility
What do you do when you’ve been told that IVF is the only option and without it you can’t ever get pregnant? There is absolutely nothing against IVF; it is necessary a lot of times, and it’s always a personal decision, but it can be very devastating when you feel like there are no other options.
I have invited Tara, onto the podcast today,
Tara, is now a fertility coach working with me on my programs. I met her a few years ago when I released the first version of my online program. Tara was dealing with PCOS, endometriosis, and male factor infertility. The odds were not in her favor.
But she got pregnant naturally, not just once but three times.
Tara will share how she got pregnant, and how she overcame some of the most difficult challenges that are lot of you are facing now.
Follow me on instagram @dradriennewei
Website: www.adriennewei.com
Welcome to the Practically Fertile Podcast. I'm Adrienne Wee, doctor of Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine, functional Medicine Practitioner and Functional Nutritionist. I specialize in using an evidence-based method, blending principles of East Asian medicine and modern functional medicine to help women optimize fertility and get pregnant. I believe in a world where every woman who wants to be a mother becomes one. If you're tired of being told that you're infertile and you want to take the right steps to get pregnant naturally and quickly, this podcast is for you. What do you do when you've been told that IVF is the only option and without it you can't ever get pregnant? Absolutely nothing against IVF. It's necessary a lot of times and it's always a personal decision, but it can be very devastating when you feel like there are just no other options.
Speaker 1:I have invited onto the podcast today Tara. She is now a fertility coach who is working with me on my programs, and some of you might have had a free discovery call with her to learn more about acupuncture. I met her a few years ago when I released the first version of my online program. She is going to share with you her story in the podcast. She is going to share with you her story in the podcast, but basically she was dealing with PCOS, endometriosis and male factor infertility. The odds were not in her favor, but she got pregnant, naturally not once, but three times.
Speaker 1:The reason I wanted her to come on the podcast isn't to share things like I ate these three things and then I had sex. On these days, those types of tips will be different for everyone, so what worked for her might not work for you. I can tell you to eat a steak, but if you don't eat meat, that won't work. I actually wanted her to talk about the challenges she had faced, which a lot of you are facing as well right now, like how do you eat healthier if you don't even like to cook? How do you respond to an invitation to a baby shower? It's more important to me that you learn about how to overcome these obstacles. That's a way more valuable tool that can be applied to any situation. So I don't want to spoil her story here too much, so let's dive in and hear from Tara and her journey to becoming a mother of three.
Speaker 2:Welcome to the podcast, Tara. Thank you for having me. I'm excited to be here.
Speaker 1:It's been quite a while since you were on my last podcast, but you are the first guest on this podcast, this rebranded, practically Brutal podcast.
Speaker 2:I love that. I'm excited to share my story with people we have spoken with before, but also a new audience that we have. I think it'll be a lot of fun too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so we've known each other for quite a while and I definitely want you to share your story, just to get us started, because it's seemed like to a lot of people from the outside you were dealing with a lot PCOS, endometriosis, male factor and I think to a lot of people it seemed like it was an impossible situation and you were told that you had to do IVF. So just kind of kick us off and start from the beginning and tell us about your journey.
Speaker 2:Sure, yeah. So we were trying to conceive for a little over two years and our journey started off with the very conventional treatments, right so the hormonal therapies, monitored cycles, all of those types of things, and even that's our TTC journey. But even before that right, even before that, right so I was diagnosed with PCOS, and this was right when we got married, and you know, that's seven years ago now. So I think PCOS has been normalized a little bit more, at least understood a little bit more. But at the time and maybe people still do feel this way I truly felt like that PCOX diagnosis meant I would never be able to have children. For me it was very irregular cycles, high testosterone, and all of these pieces were only to be regulated by medication or birth control, and obviously a lot of those pieces aren't conducive to trying to conceive, right. So going back on wasn't going to help anything. So that was really really difficult.
Speaker 2:And soon after I was diagnosed with endometriosis and I started on monitored cycles and Clomid, and the Clomid made my ovaries over respond. So then we moved to Letrozole, which didn't work for me at all. I didn't respond to that medication whatsoever and it was very defeating. That's really what it felt like, um, we really weren't getting anywhere, like we really weren't getting anywhere.
Speaker 2:So they actually didn't even test anything to do with my husband until I had already done, I think, three medicated cycles, and at that point we found out that his numbers were not ideal by any means and I hadn't even come across any other form of medicine. At this point, right, I hadn't met you, I didn't know about traditional Chinese medicine, so this was the only way I knew how to fix anything or how to move forward, and it was getting to the point where it almost felt impossible which I think you mentioned when you first introduced me and that was really, really overwhelming to feel like. Okay, so now we have this other factor and our next suggestion was let's do more medicated cycles and we can do IUI and we could do trigger shots, and hopefully that'll overcome the numbers that we're seeing from the male factor side as well, because we can control that a little bit more.
Speaker 1:Sorry, do you remember how low the sperm count was?
Speaker 2:So actually, his sperm count was very high. Okay, the motility and morphology that were very low. Um, I don't remember them the exact numbers, though I should have had them for us, but okay, yes, but thankfully his count was very high, which helped us. But at the same time, even when they did the sperm washing, they weren't getting what they needed because of his morphology and motility. So, yeah, so yeah.
Speaker 2:So that was very difficult and I really didn't know what to do next and in the meantime, I was researching online, trying to find other ways that this could work. What else could we possibly do? And that's when I discovered you, which was very exciting for me, and I started listening to your first podcast and I started learning about what Chinese medicine was and what that meant for our fertility and how that could help us, and I started dabbling. Right, I didn't really know anything yet, but I was learning, and in the meantime, we were still doing our medicated cycles and I started to incorporate a little bit of the things that I was learning from you and your podcast and everything. And I just wasn't going all in yet I don't think I really knew how. And that's when you released your program and at that same time that you released your program, we had to see a specialist for my husband, because we were getting to the point where they wouldn't do any more medicated cycles for me, and he saw a specialist, and after they looked at his numbers and determined he actually had a varicocele that was inoperable, they said we're sorry, but with all of the contributing factors, you guys need to go to IVF. And we're like what, how did we get to IVF? Right, we didn't even try IUI, or are there other stepping stones? Your only option here is IVF. We're like okay.
Speaker 2:So this came at actually a very good time, though, because it was when you started your online program. So I was actually really starting to deep dive into what traditional Chinese medicine was and what we could do. That wasn't this conventional medicine treatment that was all I knew existed prior to this point in time scheduled our IVF consultation for months out, because at that point, that's the soonest they could even get us in. So we were we were months and months away from that, and in the meantime, you know, my husband and I I showed him what I was learning and I said you know, I think we need to do this, and thankfully he's super supportive and he was on board right away. Why not, of course, right. So let's, let's go all in.
Speaker 2:And once we did that, you know we we started working with you directly and, like I said, my, my PCOS made for my cycles to be very irregular. So up until this point point, my cycle was 152 days long and we were having a hard time monitoring that and getting that to even be regular with Clomid and with those other medications. So that was a huge piece and obviously I had a lot of inflammation. I didn't know about insulin resistance. I didn't know about these pieces resistance. I didn't know about these pieces.
Speaker 2:And I started to implement your personalized protocol which was giving me the diet, nutrition and lifestyle changes and putting the control back on me, right. So this whole process felt completely out of control. I couldn't control PCOS or endometriosis, I couldn't control the fact that my husband had a varicocele, that we were dealing with this sperm quality issue. But what I could control, I could control my lifestyle, I could control my diet, I could control these other pieces, these other recommendations that you were helping me through, and it kind of put our fertility back into our hands and that felt really good.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to talk in specifics in just a little bit.
Speaker 2:But yes, I know I didn't want to go too deep yet, but, that being said, after we did that, after we really implemented these plans for both of us and I think that might have been a challenge we've had to overcome, which we can talk about too, if you'd like but once both of us really went all in for about three months, we really started to see our bodies start to improve from an overall health and wellness standpoint, which I think is so beautiful about Chinese medicine right, it's something that you talk about quite a bit.
Speaker 2:It is about our end goal of getting pregnant, right, but it's about that generational health and wellness that you can provide by getting your body really to where it needs to be. And I think we really achieved that and accomplished that together. And, after implementing everything for three months, we actually found out that we were pregnant and it was before our IVF consultation and my son is five now. He'll be six this year and we have a second son who is going to be three, and we are third on the way. And it's so very exciting because it all started here and it all started with us making these changes and just on that incredible, overwhelming and defeating journey that just turned around. Right that did a complete 180.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so now you're about to be boy mom to the four with three boys and your baby's due in July, so that's so exciting.
Speaker 2:It's so exciting and it's funny because you know this time around was a big surprise and you know, starting off on this journey, you never think that that's a possibility, right? It all feels like it has to be so very planned because that's the only way for it to be achieved or accomplished. And here we are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and also in the meantime, your husband never got the varicocele surgery.
Speaker 2:No, they would not do the operation. What was?
Speaker 1:the reason for that?
Speaker 2:Sure, so it wasn't bad enough for them to consider that the operation would be successful once they got in there. I don't know enough about the medical terms or anything, but I think that it wasn't bad. How they explained it to us was it wasn't bad enough. So if they would have gone in there, um, they could have downgraded it kind of to where it was, that's kind of, but it was bad enough, I guess, in the location and what it was doing, that it was impacting his sperm quality quite incredibly. So that's like the worst of both worlds.
Speaker 2:It's not bad enough, so you don't need surgery, but right, there's really nothing you could do about it then and you're like wait a minute where does the endometriosis piece come in?
Speaker 2:Sure, I think that's a great question. So when I did have my my period which, of course, we said my cycles were irregular, but when it did happen it was so heavy and painful I also had pain during intercourse quite frequently, and I did get surgery in between that whole process to remove that endometriosis, they found that it wasn't affecting my uterus, as it was as much as it was affecting other areas of my body, so it was growing elsewhere more frequently. The effects it was having because of that, though, were the pain during intercourse and then you know those heavy periods so, and it was causing a lot of inflammation and a lot of pain for me, and that was that was difficult. On top of it all, right, right, and you're increasing, of course, the amount of intercourse you're having because you're trying to conceive and you have to do it at specific times. So if that just happened to be at a time where my body felt inflamed, it didn't feel good either, because then it felt forced and we had to overcome that too.
Speaker 2:What do we do? We give up this cycle, and that had to become okay, right, because I had to overcome that too. Like, what do we do? We give up this cycle and that had to become okay. Right, because I had to listen to my body telling me that. You know, my body isn't feeling good enough for this right now and the pain that was associated with endometriosis. This could have been the best cycle on paper. My hormones looked great, it was actually a regular cycle and it was hurting me right, like during the medicated cycles and things like that, but I hadn't. Once we really started to make those changes that I talked about, I really truly believed that. I know it can't be measured, but that inflammation was starting to reduce and my body was starting to respond better. So I wasn't getting those pains as frequently, so we didn't have those issues as often.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it can't be measured, but in a way it can be, because you were feeling a difference, like your quality of life was improving drastically, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I mean that's a great way to measure it to me. I don't need it to be measured on paper by numbers.
Speaker 1:How do you measure your? You know happiness yes, that's a great point, awesome. So definitely sounded like you went through a lot, and I think you know that saying it always seems like it's impossible until it's done. Right At first, you're like I'm never going to get pregnant and and that was actually the same thing that my doctor said to me when I was diagnosed with PCOS was, I don't know. This means that you can get pregnant or not, I don't know. Just take some birth control pills. And, like you said, like right now, so much more is known about this condition, so I'm really happy about that. So a plug in if you have not heard my podcast on PCOS, go ahead and listen to it now. So back to your journey and your story. Let's start with the hardest thing that you felt you had to do. What was the hardest part about this journey?
Speaker 2:And you know I love that. You asked that because it was really the mindset shift, right. So you're just it goes off, exactly what you said. It's ingrained that it's you're not going to be able to get pregnant or that it has to be quick. Right, you're not going to be able to get pregnant. With PCOS, endometriosis and infertility. We were actually told that you will only get pregnant through IVF and you're also like our society, I think, is looking for very quick fixes, so you expect this to happen quickly, right? You expect, okay. Well, this should have happened by now and I think, getting over this, this should have happened already. I want this to happen tomorrow, not that that part really goes away, obviously, and this I'm not going to be able to get pregnant.
Speaker 2:Those three mindset pieces for me really needed to be overcome, and I think it was number one a shift in perspective and really understanding that you know patience and consistency are key. So the shift in perspective just had to come from myself sitting down and thinking what is it for me that is going to help me overcome this? And I utilize Chinese medicine kind of in a powerful way. Right, it gave me power. I mentioned that before it put everything back in my hands.
Speaker 2:Yes, and I know we'll talk about this a little bit more making certain diet changes, making certain lifestyle changes, that wasn't easy. I don't want to. I don't want that to be misconstrued by any means, but putting those things in my hands, in the way of I can control these things, did bring some ease to that and then, at the same time, helped me overcome that huge mindset piece of I can't get pregnant. No, there is an underlying root cause here which I began to understand and I began to learn, and I have discovered it and I have somebody who is helping me learn how to treat that and to treat my body. I just now have to do it and so, of course, in my husband. So I was grateful that he was willing and open to to do that as well.
Speaker 1:It's very empowering to know the why behind your struggles, because beyond the PCOS, the endo, the male factor, what's on paper, there's really a entire range, sub, whatever you call it, like another realm of things like there's a lot happening below the iceberg.
Speaker 1:That is the reason that's contributing to all of your struggles that people don't talk about something as simple as are you getting enough sleep, and I know that some people might be like, well, I'll sleep when I'm dead. And I know that some people might be like, well, I'll sleep when I'm dead, which I'm always like. Oh no, don't say that, but that is a sign of inflammation. If you're having issues sleeping and then not sleeping can contribute to more inflammation. A specific event trigger something that caused you to draw a line in the sand and say I'm going to control my mindset, or is it gradual?
Speaker 2:I think I don't know if you'll like my answer because I want to say both. I think one was learning, right. I think there was a learning curve. I needed to believe in Chinese medicine and to do that, I needed to learn about it, and once I learned about it, like it just clicked. But I think that also that other piece and unfortunately for me, it was them saying you can only get pregnant through IVF.
Speaker 2:And that was unfortunate because, had I allowed myself right, because we do have this control, we do have the power to be able to make these decisions for our minds, right, for our bodies I allowed an outside contributing factor to tell me that and to make that decision for me, rather than me making that decision on my own. And I think that's a really important piece. And the me now would have said no, there's. No, I'm not, I'm not accepting this. Before you know, a year before we even were told we were referred to IVF Um, I know's got to be something else out there then, but the me then didn't know that. And so maybe I can be the me now for everybody else saying that there is another piece out there, that you can make that decision for yourself, you don't need somebody else to make that decision for you or wait for that outside contributing factor to say, okay, you better get the ball rolling here, you better do something now right Like you should be pregnant at the one-year mark, and if you're not, then there's something wrong with you.
Speaker 1:I mean, who's to say that it has to be the one-year mark? Why can't it be like five-year mark?
Speaker 2:right, oh, there are no timelines here, and I think what's really important is, you know there's also. There's nothing that's also saying you can't put go all into something else sooner. Right, there's. No, we don't have to follow the full conventional medicine way of going about fertility.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like why can't you get your hormones tested immediately? Why do we have to wait until you have three miscarriages to test certain hormones? It just seems so silly to me that you have to.
Speaker 2:And I think with PCOS that's a big piece right. So until we were married and possibly we weren't trying to conceive yet, but possibly on the verge of that, right I was just saying I think it's time for me to get off birth control. That's the first time they even tested my testosterone. So I was on birth control for this exponential amount of time and they suspected I had PCOS without actually telling me that and didn't make those determinations until they did the tests for that with an ultrasound and with blood work until I'm ready to say I'm ready to get off birth control. They could have done that sooner, so I could have set my body up for success in a different way sooner, right, and it didn't need to be pregnancy I wasn't ready for pregnancy yet, but it could have been health, health and overall wellbeing, right. And you know, I I feel like that was taken away from me in that way and that was really frustrating.
Speaker 1:So this, this mindset piece, you drew the line in the sand and you're like I'm not going to let this control me and you felt more empowered, Absolutely. How did you deal with things like I'm sure a lot of people out there are dealing with the same things when people kept pestering you about hey, when are you going to get pregnant, or are you guys even trying? When are you going to have kids? How did you deal with that?
Speaker 2:That's a great question. So I think there's two approaches to that right and it's whatever makes you feel comfortable. For me personally, I'm an oversharer, so if you were going to ask me that question, I was going to share, I was going to tell you. Actually, you know, we've been, we've been trying for quite a long time and it's been a really difficult journey and this is what we've been doing. And you wouldn't believe the responses I received in the way of shock and realize, and it wasn't to make anyone feel bad, but it was to there's other things that exist, bad, but it was to there's other things that exist.
Speaker 2:It's not easy for everybody to just get pregnant.
Speaker 2:And I think as soon as I shared the parts of the story that I was comfortable sharing, everyone kind of took a step back from that.
Speaker 2:But before I was at that point where I did feel fully comfortable sharing, there were times where I had to formulate an answer and I did that prior to going somewhere and I would think, okay, what am I comfortable saying? And for me that answer was we're trying and we'll get there when we do, and just either walking away from the conversation or shifting gears if possible, and it was the best I could do. I will say having a support system during that was really helpful. So my husband, if he was in the middle of the conversation, could do the shifting of gears or right, or say you know, that's not just, that's not something we're discussing right now, or somebody else could take control of the situation. So for me, being really open and honest with my support system obviously my husband was a part of that, but the additional support system we have his mom and my mom are really supportive. So if we were ever in situations where we were all together or somebody was asking those questions, it was really helpful to have somebody else step in too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely. And what about baby shower invitations and Facebook pregnancy announcements when other people are getting pregnant around you but you're still trying? How did you overcome that?
Speaker 2:I set my own boundaries right. So what did that look like? Was that boundary in that moment that if I recently we did in between have a chemical pregnancy, and while I don't consider that a full miscarriage by any means, it made something more difficult in the timing and I set my own boundary. So if it was that I had already RSVP to a baby shower, but now this happened on on my end and I just didn't feel like that was a safe space for me, I reached out to the individual and I explained that I didn't necessarily say anything about the chemical pregnancy, but I just said that you know, we're dealing with our own infertility battle right now and as much as I would love to support you, I'm not in the right space to do that, um, but please know that you know I am so excited for you and I, you know, I can't wait to. I'm so excited for you and I, you know I can't wait to meet your baby and be there for you.
Speaker 2:I just can't be there right now Knowing that that boundary was okay to have.
Speaker 1:And you didn't lose any friends over that right?
Speaker 2:No, I didn't and honestly, this is really hard. But if I did, did they care about my journey that much either? Right, I'm not approaching it in a way of like I'm just not going to be there. I don't want to be there for you. I want nothing to do with this. That wasn't my approach.
Speaker 2:My approach came from kindness and from you know where we were struggling and I needed to set this boundary for myself and for my husband, and if that's what that looked like, that should be okay, right. So, and it's hard it's hard to accept that because now you're you're going through this journey where you need support and you need to be normal and you need to feel like things are normal around you to be normal and you need to feel like things are normal around you. So it is hard to accept if you lose a friend during that process I thankfully did not, um, but I could see how people would and that has to be something that you have to know you're okay with, and if you're not, that's okay to set a different boundary, but definitely sit down like with your husband or your partner. I think that was the most helpful for me and we set our boundaries. Here's something that really would bother me, or here's something that really impacts me. How do we handle that? How do we handle that together? What is my response going to be?
Speaker 1:And I think what you're doing is prioritizing you, prioritizing yourself, your mental health, and if you are not doing that and you're not strong, then it's very hard to deal with other pieces of the journey. Other parts of the journey and I feel like a lot of my patients deal with this too is they feel bad if they don't go, but at the same time, if they feel like if they go, they'll just be completely devastated, it'll be triggering, they'll feel sad and depressed. So it's exactly like you said you have to draw boundaries that you're comfortable with, and if your decision is to go to the baby shower, then you have to be okay with that too, and if your decision is not to go to the baby shower, that's totally okay, right? So the point is is to find out what works for you and don't feel bad about it.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Yep Right. Write it down. If you have to journal about it, sit down with your partner, talk about it. What?
Speaker 1:does that?
Speaker 2:look like, so that when you go to make that decision, you're comfortable making it right Whatever it is, and it can be either.
Speaker 1:And it's okay to turn off somebody's notification for a little bit if all they're posting is their baby pictures or maternity photos or something like that. So I think you know the point here is to really prioritize you, prioritize your feelings, your health, and if other people don't agree with you or you lose friends over it, then, like Tara said, they're not really your friends.
Speaker 2:I'm sorry but they're not, I know, and it's so hard because, right, it may be something that they don't understand either. Yeah, but if you feel comfortable, maybe that and it's a friendship you want to preserve obviously sit down and have that conversation with them. Yeah, people offer more grace.
Speaker 1:I think, than we, we give everybody credit for Cause there's that fear that you're going to be, it's that fear that they're going to get mad at you. And and you know, we don't want to let people down and if we don't do certain things and we're not being, we're not being the supportive friend. But then when you talk about it you're like, oh my God, they're actually really understanding. I'm so glad I told them.
Speaker 2:Right, or maybe you needed support in return, right, it doesn't need to be giving the support.
Speaker 1:And we never know what they're going through, because they might come out and say, oh yeah, I had 10 miscarriages. I mean that's extreme, but I actually did meet a woman who went through 11 IVFs. So finally, you know the the last one that she did like she got pregnant. This was a few years ago, but it's you just don't know what they're going through.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you have no idea. So that ended up being successful for her Right. So anyway.
Speaker 1:so moving on to the next piece is so now you got your mindset straight and you had to make a bunch of changes. Some of the stuff it's like completely different than what you grew up with. Absolutely how, what was your diet like growing?
Speaker 2:up a great question. We, um, I grew up in a very German household and, um, it was also a, you know, coming from, like, demographically, the type of foods that my family grew up with. You know, not just me but, um, my mom and her mom, and the type of foods they would make were really high in carbs, processed, high in fats, all of those types of things, because, of course, they were less expensive. And even if we were past that point, those stayed as staples to our diet shade, as staples to our diet, and unfortunately, that meant that there was a lot of that. So there was a lot of a lot of dairy, a lot of carbs, processed foods.
Speaker 2:Obviously, you know, I'm a 90s kid too, so, like everything else aside, you know you're thinking about those types of foods. You know your thing about those types of foods pop tarts, hamburger helpers, and there's nothing like, yeah, absolutely there's nothing. There's no fault to anybody with that, right? So there was, that was just the norm there. There wasn't anything and anything else that was being given. It wasn't a focus on fresh and whole foods, and while I wasn't necessarily eating all of those things regularly, still I was definitely eating way more processed foods, easy things, things that were not necessarily always cooking at home.
Speaker 2:I don't really love to cook. I still don't. I'm really thankful that my husband does, because on the days that I don't, um, I'm really grateful that he he takes over Um and more often than not now he is the one that cooks for us, which is wonderful. But, that being said, getting rid of those pieces was difficult. Right, because those things were highly contributing to my factors in my body. Right, I know that processed foods, a lot of sugars, aren't great for anybody, but with PCOS and endometriosis they're going to increase insulin resistance and really contribute to that inflammatory factor. So I had to get rid of them and that wasn't easy.
Speaker 1:What were okay. So, besides the fact that you grew up with this, these foods were convenient. What else was particularly difficult about making these changes? For example, did you feel like cleaner foods or less processed foods tasted bad? Worse, like your taste buds couldn't get used to them? Was it? Did you feel like making these changes because you didn't have time? Like it was hard? You know what were some of the other challenges surrounding having to make these changes.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Time management and actually cooking them.
Speaker 1:I think a lot of people can relate to that.
Speaker 2:Meal planning is not my favorite either, so no, I am not a planner when it comes to when it comes to meals like that. I want to eat what I'm hungry for and even if I do plan it, by the time I get around to eating it, probably not hungry for it, right? So that was a huge piece, still is. And the second piece to that is I don't like to cook. Yeah, so what I had to do was, number one, find meals that I was comfortable cooking. Number one, find meals that I was comfortable cooking, that I felt were easy and that I could enjoy for a few days.
Speaker 2:So leftovers became great for me, for lunches especially. So cooking extra of whatever it was that I was making so helpful and beneficial. So, honestly, like looping in my husband, because I was so you know well, I was so glad that he was so willing to cook, because there were things that you get sick of eating the same thing over and over, which is what I do, because it was easy. Um, so he, when, when we did it together as a team, it really helped because he cooked the things that I didn't want to cook, but it really helped to diversify what we were eating.
Speaker 1:Give me an example. What type of food Did he cook the protein, and then you made the side dishes.
Speaker 2:Yes, or I really don't like cooking chicken. I know that's a personal preference, but I just really don't like cooking chicken. So anytime we would have that, he would have it prepped and ready. So even if we knew I was getting home early enough, I can just put it in the oven because he had it marinating.
Speaker 2:Something like that made it really simple for us, and I love that you brought that up, because I think this is something that really helped us overcome just a lot of challenges with TTC. So you feel like it's your focus, like it's your thought all day long, and what got rid of that was focusing more on things like this how could we make meals together? Now, we were trying to just build a new routine over cooking foods in our home. That, while it was still directly related to trying to conceive it wasn't that didn't then have to be our focus. Our focus was on how can we eat healthier, how can we nourish our bodies, and how can we do that in a timely manner that fit both of our schedules or in a way that we have something that we could eat and enjoy right.
Speaker 1:Well, it's also like bonding and feeling and spending time together without it having to be hey, I'm ovulating, this is the time that we're going to spend together, right? It's like you guys are spending quality time without making it so obviously, be about trying to conceive.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. And if it were to be a day where we knew we were both going to get home a little bit earlier maybe it was the weekend he would focus on the main course and I could focus on dessert or I could focus on the sides, like you said. And I think the other piece was really just breaking everything down into smaller, manageable steps. It didn't have to be this gourmet meal that we were making, right, so that's another misconception I had going into it. Well, how am I going to make this? I'm not a chef, right? Looking at a recipe that had all of these ingredients and all of these steps, really, when you break the recipe down, you don't need all those ingredients to achieve the same outcome.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because you don't have to cook like Bobby Flay, you don't have to be an iron chef. In fact, the recipes I'm like I this is way beyond my skill set. I'm happy just to do a little stir fry, you know, and call it a day, Exactly.
Speaker 2:Find a new recipe or just adjust the recipe you have to fit what you have. Mm, hmm, I found that getting rid of the processed sides was really hard for us, whether that be certain types of pastas or like ready sides, or how we were cooking our rice or eating French fries and that just took a shift in because it's actually just as quick to make homemade french fries even realize, but it is just as quick yeah, I mean I um, I buy the alexia brand sometimes and, yeah, the oven, so it's still fries but it's baked, and absolutely huge difference and I think you don't realize.
Speaker 1:It's not like oh, now I can't ever have french fries again, and I think that all or nothing perspective makes the eating nutrition piece of it difficult too um, because you're like, you're going into it thinking I'm gonna have to cut out coffee, I'm to have to cut out coffee, I'm going to have to cut out alcohol, I'm going to have to. There goes my social life. I can't have a cheese dip, I can't have a sandwich if I want to, right, and I feel like then already there's this resistance to well, it's just not going to work for me.
Speaker 2:No, absolutely. And taking those small steps first. So, like what felt easy, right, we didn't go from no, all these processed foods, processed sides, to then, all of a sudden, we were cooking for ourselves every single day. That wasn't it, but we set achievable goals, right? Yep, what did that look like? Well, you know, maybe that was only a couple of meals that week, maybe that was two to three dinners for that week, but then, because we cooked the dinner two to three times, we typically had lunch, so we didn't have to worry about lunch. Then it wasn't like oh, now, what are we going to make for lunch? We just made extra and we had that for lunch already. So now, that took care of a pretty decent amount of our meals, right To start.
Speaker 1:People struggle with lunch, and I remember you were. I'm always telling people if Tara can do it, being in the sales job, driving around all day and have a hot lunch, then you can do it too.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, I know I was like what am I going to eat for lunch? I can't eat a hot lunch, and I had it in my head, no matter what you said, that I could not have this hot lunch. I really just had to find the right type of thermos to be able to put it in and how to preheat it, and all of this is and what healthy snacks to take, because when you're driving and traveling you just want to eat the whole time. I mean, your car was your office.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, so like you just had to drive around all day, right?
Speaker 2:So that was definitely a challenge. Um, and having those preparing like I don't want to call them snacks, but they are snacks, preparing snacks for the week was so helpful. That just had me so ready and I didn't, you know, when I stopped at a gas station I wasn't buying junk.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Um.
Speaker 2:I already had, planning is the key, right it is. It is at the end of the day, but I will say I I found a way. So for me, meal planning, snacks was important, right? I didn't necessarily. Now, we plan our groceries that we purchase. We planned the groceries we were going to purchase but we didn't then meal plan. But we had an idea of what meals we could make. So it doesn't have to be meal planning in the sense of this is what I'm eating for breakfast and lunch and dinner. But maybe when you're going grocery shopping, planning out, here are the meals that we can make for the week and maybe the only meal that's 100% planned is the day you know you're both getting home late and that's okay. So I think letting go of that really like tight, like okay. This paper I wrote on this paper that I have to have this for breakfast, lunch and dinner Getting rid of that took away all the pressure of it. Just be more flexible, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Maybe you feel like eating out that day, maybe you're like screw it, I'm just going to do takeout, absolutely.
Speaker 2:It's okay. And what was really great about that and I think what is a little what was lacking for me anyway was I would feel like, oh, I don't want to do that because I was putting so much pressure on it, but because I was so committed in other ways, like in everything else I was doing, it actually allowed me to be free on the days that we wanted to do takeout.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I could say, oh, I feel really comfortable doing this because I know I've nourished my body this whole week, or I've nourished my body all day, or tomorrow I'm just going to go back to my normal diet, but this is easy for us right now and it made it really just like comfortable. I didn't even think twice about it anymore.
Speaker 1:Well, it's good to you know to say this too is, once you start making changes that are very positive for your, for your body, your body starts to heal and we'll be able to do, you know, we'll be able to do, you know, have a cheat meal and your body will recover, it will rebound, like in your case it's. We're going to go do takeout and maybe, maybe I have pasta with a cream sauce, but I know that tomorrow my body will recover from it, because I didn't bombard my body day in and day out with all these types of foods, right, day in and day out with all these types of foods, right? So so I think it's also important to know that just because you do that, it doesn't mean that you're going to go back a hundred steps. It's not. Your body is going to be able to, to heal itself and recover.
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think that's what is so important too, because as we were going through this journey, you know, nothing happened overnight, but neither did the conventional medicine treatments Right. So, like I think it's like you know, I I trusted the process and as I kept moving through it, I would see changes in my body, I would be more energized, I started having less pains with the endometriosis, my cycles and I know I didn't mention this kind of in my story, but I think this is like my favorite piece. First off, your cycle never has to be a perfect 28-day cycle.
Speaker 2:But for me, my cycles, regulated even through now to 33, 33 to 35 day cycles, which from 152 days just felt so unachievable, yeah, um. And here I am, you know, managing this PCOS still, and I'm able to have regular cycles, um, and get pregnant, yeah, after the first time. Yeah, so it's those taking those small steps that then you're taking bigger steps as you keep going and then you start to see your body shift and change. You're like this I'm feeling good, my body is really loving this.
Speaker 1:And I also I want to make sure that we talk about this when you, you told me that when you started doing the NutriSync protocol which, to it, is a little intense and intimidating at first because it requires you to eat according to your archetype and the time of the cycle and, um and and that's something that we're working on, by the way it's just making it very easy for people to know exactly what to eat. But back then, when I first started the first version of the NutriSync, you told me a strategy that really helped you keep track of what you have to eat.
Speaker 2:It did? Yeah, because we were given all the food lists for each pattern and then manage them, like you said, through the different phases of the cycle and through our patterns. But what I did first was I had two predominant patterns for myself, two primary patterns, and so I printed it all out and I just threw everything else away except my two patterns. I printed it all out and I just threw everything else away except my two patterns and I knew that, okay, this is also for this phase and this is also for this phase, and that's what I focused on.
Speaker 2:I looked at my one pattern for a certain part of my cycle and my other pattern for the next, and once I really got into the swing of that, I started to incorporate the others and that was really, really useful for me. And then I just reprinted everything out and I had everything that I needed in front of me. But that was a way for me to say, okay, let's move this other stuff away and cut out the other things that are kind of overwhelming me, and I'm just going to focus on what I know is my primary Chinese medicine pattern and I'm going to focus on just those foods and doing the best I can with that and once I felt like really good about that and, like I said, I kept it simple. So I picked a protein, I picked my veggies and then whatever you know, little like side starch or what have you that like a fruit or something, yeah, and.
Speaker 2:I focused on just choosing something from each part of the list and it just made it so simple. And once I got into the swing of that, I was like, oh okay, I can do this for every phase of the cycle, and then I just reprinted everything out, but it just really made it simplified for myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and then you can just go to a grocery store with that list and say I'm going to buy these five types of veggies and these two types of protein for the week, or something like that.
Speaker 2:And that's what. Yeah, that's a great example of what I was trying to explain earlier, because it was a way to meal plan without actually having to write down what you're having every day. Do the overwhelming part of meal planning that I feel is overwhelming. Some people love that and it makes it easier. It just isn't for me.
Speaker 1:We had a member in our very first program. She was so organized and she shared her NutriSync Excel spreadsheet with me and how she meal plans. It's like down to the spice that she is going to use. And I was like, wow, I'm really, really impressed. But that's her style. You don't have to do that right. You could just like I'm like you, I'll just go to the grocery store and I'll just be like, oh yeah, maybe I'll have a ribeye or something you know, and I'll just grab them. And then I'm like, huh, what goes well with ribeye? Well, how about some spinach? And I'll grab some spinach. And it doesn't mean you're being lax.
Speaker 2:You're going to get the same result, it's just of how, how you can approach it for you.
Speaker 1:Hey, those two foods are perfect for the blood deficiency right when you're having your period. Those two foods are perfect and done, that's dinner. And then make an extra piece of red lye for lunch or something. And I know I maybe sound like I'm oversimplifying it, because I do realize that for a lot of people, meal planning and figuring out what to eat is very, very difficult, so I'm definitely not oversimplifying it. But I've also had a lot of practice and experience, and I do practice what I preach. So in order for me to teach something, I had to practice it too. So, anyway, so what else? Give me, like? Give us one more thing that you felt it was extremely difficult at the time and you were able to overcome it, and that other people may be struggling with as well.
Speaker 2:Okay, I want to make sure I give you something a little bit different than I had already talked about. I don't want to reiterate any of those things. I think those things I think. So, as I know I said, my partner was super willing, like my husband's, super willing to to make the changes, but I think, also prioritizing him just as seriously as myself, that was a really big piece, because a lot of people don't talk about male factor infertility and I know that that was a part of our journey but that existed and that was a big reason we were referred to IVF for us and for me.
Speaker 2:I was making all these changes and it's not like he wasn't also eating with me, but what else was he doing that was contributing for his body, right, and I think working together to improve his lifestyle was really important. And you know I don't want to speak for all men, but I feel like you know, the men have a different lifestyle and are eating different types of foods and maybe working out more or or maybe wearing certain uniforms for work or whatever that looks like. And there's these other pieces that he had to adapt to and make changes to as well, and while I said he was really. It's not that he was never not supportive of the journey, but he was skeptical of some of the changes or or maybe a little bit reluctant to make them as quickly as me, and I think that was another piece of it. That was that was difficult for us to do, but I think when we sat down and kept doing it together regularly, it really it really turned things around.
Speaker 1:How did you have that conversation Like hey Steven, you have to do this too, or was it just? Was he just kind of like, oh yeah, let's do it?
Speaker 2:Um, I think both right. There were some pieces where he was like, yeah, let's just, let's do it. Um, uh, he trusted my research and that piece of it. But I think the other part of it was I did share some of you know what I had been learning and I brought him in on those things, right, if there was something we were learning in the program at the time that I felt was really beneficial to him, I said you know, let's learn this together, right, like we're doing this together.
Speaker 2:I think it was also the other piece of sitting down and talking out like why we wanted this, what we wanted from it, right. So you talked about creating, like focusing on that why in the beginning, and I think it's really important to have our own why. But I think the why with your partner is huge because you're both referring back to that. So when there's something that's a little bit difficult or something that's not something you're used to, you both have that to refer back to. So he didn't do like an actual activity discovering his why, which he very well could have. He didn't need to, that's just. It didn't match his personality, but didn't mean that he wasn't thinking about it. No, exactly, we talked about it together and that's Yep, exactly. And that was still in the back of his mind. That was still a big part of it, and it was also him developing solutions, not just me saying, ok, here's what you're going to do. It was how can we make this work, like similar to what we did with the nutrition part of things. How are we going to make this work together? Um, and also ways like here's what I'm suggesting.
Speaker 2:So some things, especially with a varicose seal, had to be a lot of change in clothing, um, and uh, a change in routine when it came to working out or what he was wearing for work and those type of things, and that's harder for men to adjust to. I totally understand that. It was more of like okay, how can I help you do that Right? So me supporting him just as just as well, I'm like I'm willing to help you find the right pieces, that that fit for you or that that feel good. What clothing feels good? Um, what makes your workout still feel good, even though here's what your routine is going to look like, post-workout, that type of thing? Uh, we just, I think, sitting down and doing it together, rather than me just doing it all and saying here's what you have to do, I think made a huge difference, because he understood why he was doing it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like it's. It's less of a well, you just have to do this, but rather like this is the reason why we're doing this. And then what is your personal lie for wanting to be a father Right?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I think also bringing him in on the education piece, so bringing him in to say, hey, learn this with me, right?
Speaker 1:So because I know he's probably like what Tara, your liver, your liver's acting up again.
Speaker 2:Especially now you know he'll come out with things surrounding it. I'm like, oh, you did learn a lot about that, oh.
Speaker 1:I love it. I mean, you know. So we're wrapping up here and I feel like you provided so many valuable insights, and that's exactly what I wanted is is not so much exactly what three foods you were eating, but how you are able to overcome these challenges and some tips and tricks that hopefully our listeners can implement as well. And know that, no, you don't have to cook anything fancy to get pregnant. You don't have to, you know, have 20 ingredients in a meal in order for this to be a fertile meal, and sometimes the best things are very simple and right. And I think, go back to the very beginning, when you said the hardest challenge you had to overcome was the mindset piece, beginning when you said the hardest challenge you had to overcome was the mindset piece. And one final piece of advice for our listeners do you feel like that mindset shift in the beginning was crucial in helping you getting over some of the obstacles and roadblocks along the way later on?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, it totally was. And, like I said, for me that was grasping onto something that was within my control. And what was really cool was that happened to be Chinese medicine, and that can be true for anybody. It gave me pieces that I could control, that I knew were contributing to the health and wellness of my body and my fertility to the health and wellness of my body and my fertility and it's just really really cool.
Speaker 1:It's just like a beautiful piece of it, I, I, it was just really cool that that gave me that, that strength and you were able to maintain this lifestyle for Colson and then now your third baby, who will find out the name soon, hopefully.
Speaker 2:I don't even know yet.
Speaker 1:Now you're like, okay, we'll figure it out later. I think I heard Colson in the background, so I'm going to let you go, Sorry. Congratulations on your third pregnancy and thank you so much for sharing your stories from your journey with us, and I just, I really hope that. I really hope our listeners could, you know, walk away with some aha moments and if you are listening and you have any questions, please reach out to Tara and or me. Tara is now working with me as a fertility coach. She knows the ins and outs of my program and I would love for you to get a coaching session with her if you feel like you're really stuck and you just need somebody who can help you overcome an obstacle.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, tara. Thank you so much for having me. I love being here and I look forward to working with everybody that we come across across and I hope that my story resonates with somebody, and I hope that this brought somebody peace and hope today as well.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, I will talk to you soon. Talk to you soon, bye, bye.